(GASP!) Stay in L.A. Petey!

Some things are just more interesting with certain people involved. Comedies are more interesting with Will Ferrell. Politics is more interesting with Bill Clinton. Sex is more interesting with a partner (or so I'm told). And college football is more interesting with Pete Carroll.

Which is why I was a bit upset when I learned of a mutual interest between the Southern California head coach and the Atlanta Falcons for their vacant head coaching position. Now, I know most college football diehards on this side of the Mason-Dixon Line think of Carroll as nothing more than an arrogant, cheating, S.O.B. who wouldn't garner near the accolades he has should he compete week in and week out in a real conference like the SEC. But, indulge me for a moment with a brief refresher on exactly what Carroll's Trojan teams have accomplished in seven seasons:
2 Nation Championships (Yes, I acknowledge the AP title in 2003)
6 Pac-10 Championships
6 Straight BCS Bowl Appearances
3 Heisman Trophy winners
76 wins
Two Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

Only LSU, by virtue of winning it's second national title in five seasons Monday, has a legitimate argument against USC as the greatest program of this decade. Throw in an estimated $2 million - $3 million annual salary, rock star status in the nation's second-largest city and the USC Song Girls and a guy would have to be insane to bolt for the NFL, right?

It seems pretty cut and dry to me, yet here were sit with college football holding it's collective breath; waiting to see what Carroll will do. Certainly, folks from Berkley to Tucson to Tempe might root for a change in Tinseltown, but this Baton Rouge boy is hoping ol' Petey stays put. While USC's continued dominance over the college football landscape and the subsequent national media lovefest with them have caused LSU Tiger fans to pop blood pressure meds like kids down skittles, the truth is, college football is more fun with Pete Carroll in it. Every story needs a villain, and in the magical fairytale land of fight songs and furry mascots, Pete Carroll serves more than adequately as Cruella DeVille (he even sports the salt and pepper hairstyle).

C'mon SEC fans! Surely you remember how much fun you had watching Darth Visor toss his trademark headgear to the turf every time the slightest break didn't go the Gators' way. And what about LSU fans being consumed by their hatred for Nick "Satan" -- a man they once adored and hailed as Saint Nick? Or Tommy Tuberville being so pompous as to smoke a victory cigar in Tiger Stadium after a 41-7 stomping of the home team? Sure you remember those. It fuels your hatred for their schools. It's the simple reason why you care so much. And there is no man who has drawn the ire of so many fan bases from the Southeastern Conference to Conference USA as Pete Carroll.

Unfortunately for college football, though, Pete Carroll is not a character in a dreamland movie. He is a man. A well-paid man whose mug is on the cover of magazines and plastered across television screens. A man who is described by his peers as "one of the greatest coaches of all time." And a standard trait on all 2008 male models is a little something Freud liked to call E-G-O. Pete Carroll is no different. Surely if he was the great coach he is purported to be, his routine failures in the National Football League were a fluke, right? Nevermind that Carroll's one season as the head man with the New York Jets is best-known for falling for Dan Marino's fake spike-turned-Touchdown pass than it's 6-10 record. Forget that Carroll lasted only three seasons in New England before giving way to a guy named Belichick who has done pretty well as a replacement. Carroll knows he has run the closest thing to an NFL franchise over the past seven season in Los Angeles and he desperately wants to make good on his previous NFL failures. Any red-blooded, ego-driven man would.

The truth is, I admire a man who is willing to leave his comfort zone to make himself stretch. And Pete Carroll's 469 square-mile comfort zone in Los Angeles is massive. I couldn't fault him for trying. In fact, I might even applaud his gall. But, I would be sad to see him go. As should any true college football fan.

We all need a villain to hate. And nobody plays that role better than that arrogant, fist-pumping winning machine in Hollywood. Fight On, Petey! And stay put.